Her fingers were tipped with magic, they teased at the strings of her guitar, sweetening the air around and stealing me away from my own thoughts. The sun danced to her medleys, her lips, full with passion and grace traced out words to new worlds that lived in song. Her whole body was immersed in music, the passion filled her cheeks with life, they dawned a scarlet warmth that radiated from the brightest smile, with a single shallow dimple poked into her left cheek. Her nose did a little dance as she sang, she’d sway to the music and disappear behind her thick lashes.
At first, I only heard the music. It was enriching the painting of the summers day unfolded in front of me. I was sat beneath the giant Elm tree, scribbling away at my notepad and working my way through a book. Between watching the park fill with a mosaic of faces, coaxed into frenzy by the summers brilliance, I’d peck away at chapters of my book and scatter words onto the blank pages of my note book. It was out of curiosity that I turned her way, the sound of that guitar pried me out of my world of words and ushered me into the pulsating current of polyphonic brilliance. I adjusted to face the music, and there she was, enjoying her picnic for one. Enjoying herself, making merry in accordance with the radiant delight of summer.
She had won my audience, I listened in appreciation. The music had perforated the last barrier that would have deemed us strangers. We became two residents of the same home, inhabitants of the same present, woven together by music. The notes she played nurtured our smiles into nods, which opened the door through which the two worlds bled through.
The prelude our initial interaction had glossed my impression of her richly, we had no problem diving into engaging conversation, Pealing away the layers in a jovial joust, fighting away the thin veneer of the unknown that lingered. I spoke of words, she spoke of music. Music meant so much to her, she adopted a certain vulnerability when she talked about her music. She spoke sweetly and full of certainty, she spoke as she sang, with captivating grace, hooking me with every sentence she uttered. She had these eyes, these shy eyes. Like a sobered tempest, still, blue, teasing up a storm in every glance, they traced my features and welcomed my gaze, filling me with warmth. She had a character of intriguing allure. She wore her hair boldly, a rebellious blonde that swept one way, just reaching low enough to hide her ear lobs, and gently framed her radiant face, it complemented her boisterous nature perfectly.
The hours were dwarfed into endless strands of a mutual fascination. Fleeting minutes, falling over to the next in haste, time was passing us. I unwrapped every chapter of her mind with zeal and wonder, she wandered into my labyrinth of nuances and quirks, with surprising delight. The conversation caught fire and consumed the day light. The cold air that rushed along her soft skin was a sure sign it was time to go home. We parted ways with a promise. We promised to hunt down any open mics and poetry slams. We spoke everyday and fantasized about chasing storms. Vibrant storms, where music and words can catch fire once more.
11 thoughts on “Writing 101 – Day 6: Music & Lyrics”
Lovely lovely imagery, I really like some of your metaphors, very unique!
Oh my. I was with you every step of the way. I hope, hope, hope that you have shared this with her. What a gift that would be and surely there’s a song or 2 hiding in here somewhere. Thank you for reminding me what it’s like to fall in love. The opening line is a gem. The second paragraph seems like it should come first rather than taking the reader out of this tender moment for a brief flashback, but then you’ll lose that opening line. You decide…perhaps the piece could live without the second paragraph (but I know how you feel about letting go of your words). Final thought – though it’s not the focus of the piece, I could absolutely see you under that tree scribbling away. Nice job balancing the images.
Hey, thank you for the feedback as always unappreciated it. That opening line I truly fell in love with, I toyed with the idea swapping the two paragraphs actually, buy That opening line had won my heart. Thanks for the feedback, I really do appreciate then
I’d suggest you adding the actual theme of the post so people know what it is apart from simply stating Writing 101 Day 6. As writing 101 is rolling again, this second version doesn’t have the days so people wouldn’t really know what you are trying to do. Moreover, as there are twists – to build a character – it is not as explicit as it could have been. You have left a lot of space for imagination for the reader which is nice, but at the same time, it can be a bit more difficult to picture it. Your second paragraph doesn’t blend in with the story at all, you went from a description to saying “At first, I only heard the music.” I understand you decided to swap its location (yep, read the other comment too hehe) but I would have suggested approaching the second paragraph differently so it would blend in.
Oh, long comment.
Thanks 🙂 I really appreciated that feedback. It’s really nice to get another perspective in the piece. I can see what you mean about mean about the second paragraph, lol I did grow attached to that open in paragraph, I definitely need to look into keeping it smooth flowing together as a whole piece. I noticed that it didn’t have dad in the brief anymore while reading other posts and looked at the brief again. I will have to give a summary of the brief. What’s the best way to so it, paste it straight into the post as it it, or just outline it? I’m always worried about it maybe killing the look of the post. I really appreciate the constructive criticism.
My pleasure. I also appreciate criticism more than the random likes I get… I sometimes even wonder if people even read things here!
I liked the opening as well, I think it was the perfect way to do it. I would simply suggest editing the start of the second paragraph so it doesn’t look misplaced.
In regards to W101, what did they no longer have in the brief?
I’d say do it in a way you are happy with but also give the readers an idea of what it is about. I personally copy and paste it (e.g. http://sugarcoatingsince91.wordpress.com/category/writing-101-2/ ) and I have used the same approach for every single post. It’s just personal taste above it all 🙂
I know what you mean, I do appreciate likes, it’s nice to know people enjoy it, and I definitely know that feeling, like “are they actual reading it” lol. I have so much to learn with this writing thing, so the constructive criticism is what helps me to grow, that’s what I found about the writing 101, it’s getting me out my comfort zone and showing the areas I can work on, I love the learning. I’ll definitely add the brief in the post. Contextualise the piece.
That’s the main reason why I have embarked on the W101 adventure. I wrote my first ever dialogue recently and writing in different perspectives also came as a bit of a challenge, but in a very exciting way. I’ll be keeping an eye on your blog as usual, to read your future entries. I am still a few posts in front so it will be interesting to see your take on challenges that I have also done. 🙂
Contextualisation is very important, people will have a more understanding of what they are reading about – something I am working on myself. We are all learning.
Yeah I’m pretty behind ATM, with work and everything going on, I end up being a few days behind. Ive been scribbling in my note book when I get a few moments, and the dialogue challenge one was definitely interesting. I’ve never really written dialogue before. With the character development I actively avoided writing dialogue. Lol I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on your blog. Networking with like minded people just makes the experience better
Don’t worry about being behind. I started my Writing 101 last month or perhaps even in July. I write whenever I can, I just aim to finish it, that’s all. Oh I had never written a dialogue before either, not intentionally anyway, so I think you will find it quite interesting, I know I did. Well thank you, I agree that networking makes the experience much better. Feel free to suggest other fellow bloggers you enjoy reading, I am always looking for new blogs to follow 🙂