Notes from Paranoia: Trust!!

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“Follow your heart they say, Use your head they say. Adding no direction the blind spiral, only in an attempt to sound like they helped!”

My mind and my heart love to play games, they indulge in a pentathlon of give and takes. On the looping itinerary I see the classics, tug of war, hide and seek and explosive bouts that last for seemingly infinite rounds. As destructive as they can be, the rubble the ruckus leaves behind serves as perfect tinder to keep the fires of my curiosity burning. The ambient question mark hooks me with curiosity, which burns bright as I hunger for answers. Trust is on the menu today. Today, like many other days, it’s unknowingly pirouetting on the spit as I chew on the concept. However, my hunger to know, knows no nourishment yet.

What is trust?

PARANOIA

“Trust means blunting my blade. Trust is ailing my dependency on me. Trust ignores the strange faces and is lax with the loose lips that leak lies and disguise truth. It’s putting a piece of me in some else’s hand and hoping they are sure footed. Hoping there going where they said there going, to do the things they said they would do and not barter away the piece of me I placed into their hands and waved off.”

Real trust is hard to earn, it’s not the sole purpose of an interaction but definitely enriches it’s quality. We always have an opportunity to deposit a little more trust into ever growing relationships. Trust can be built up, but will always fall short of absolute. This isn’t to spite the few you hold close, it’s quite the opposite. This bottomless reservoir plays in their favour, as it’s always provides room for more trust, new levels to ascend to in the wonderful and weird world of relationships, plutonic and otherwise.

Sadly, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Trust can be lost, at far greater speeds than it takes to build it up. It happens and unfortunately we see it, sometimes you see someone bring their trust into the frame and it’s a weary vision. Tattered and plagued with patches, stitched firmly on with sweet and sour threads of hope and anger. The picture is subtle but there to be seen. Telling so much about a person but yet giving away so little. In the perfect world, badly placed trust wouldn’t be an issue, but bad investment are very much alive as this high risk, high reward aspect of living plays a leading role in the tale of interpersonal relations.

“I can’t tell you who to trust and why, I cant feed stock to this concept when the winters of cold hearts have left you brittle, shoulders chipped and wondering “why?” . You’ve been unduly introduced to a reality where altruism, is an untrue “ism”. Where it makes sense that if self preservation is too imprinted in human nature, the well being of another is surely an after thought…”

As I look at trust, Turning it this way and that, tirelessly hoping to learn, I fail. The same part of me that feeds trust life, obscures it to my logic. The emotions, the reasoning, the never ending ballet of heart and mind. Depending on the day, trust looks very different to me. I see this familiar stranger and know I can both trust and distrust, out of respect. I’ve seen what you can do!!!

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Author: The Blissful Nomad

I'm a writer, Poet, Spoken Word Artist who fell in love with words at a weird time in my life. A chance to create is precious, getting to share what my mind pieces together is something special. I hope you enjoy reading, feel free to get in touch, any feedback is appreciated.

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